Pat confirms his drunken head is full of retard thoughts

[AliceWorquer]

View attachment 195102

That's the only time he has ever admitted he was in the wrong ever. I'm sure he blames trump deep down, but that's an extremely rare piece of honest self reflection. I would pay a lot of fucking money for footage of that gig.

 

[Uncle Floyd]

If Jim Florentine ever needs an opener in Milwaukee, I know just the guy.

 

[B.F. Wellington]

"Dinner sorted." and "smashingly"

I hate him. I fucking hate him.

 

[RickReternal]

It was almost painful to find this but he’s got geese on the brain recently.

 

[cliveowen]

The fact that he ever thought he was in a position to give advice to comics of any level is incredible. His arrogance and narcissism is off the fucking charts. I'd wager he never made more than $1000 total from his stand up "career". In fact it was likely $0.

If you take into account gas and tolls, it's gotta be in the negatives.

 

[TorqueWheeler]

The fact that he ever thought he was in a position to give advice to comics of any level is incredible. His arrogance and narcissism is off the fucking charts. I'd wager he never made more than $1000 total from his stand up "career". In fact it was likely $0.

Being an expert about absolutely everything while being terrible at all of it is kind of his brand.

 

[PatrickSTomlinsonVEVO]

i for one find the wordplay to be very humorous. also the premise is very thought-provoking, it dares the reader to wonder “what if that actually happened?” it would be quite absurd & silly

 

[TorpidSloth]

What should be running through his mind - "Need to email Tor today with the pitch for the new book. Annabelle's first payment for the orthodontist is due, got to pay that. Damn, forgot to ask Ade if I can take her to the Taylor Swift concert next month. Those tickets weren't cheap! Hope Niki's going to be OK. Depression is a bitch. What can I do to make her feel better?"

What is actually going through his head - "Hurr, shipwreck and den giant monsters, hurr!"

 

[JoeBrotheChildSpitGuzzler]

Open mics are only for new material? That’s not even close to true if you’re an actual established comedian.

He thinks this because he never got beyond being an open mic'er

 

[TomFromNawlins]

It was almost painful to find this but he’s got geese on the brain recently. View attachment 195157

We could train the geese to fly over Russian tanks with paint balloons and then they could bomb the Russian tanks with the paint balloons to disable the Russian tanks by blocking their periscopes with the paint in the balloons.

It’s like this in my head all the time.

 

[AliceWorquer]

Open mics are only for new material? That’s not even close to true if you’re an actual established comedian.

He neglects to really acknowledge that open mics are actually for any faggot who signs up. He's talking like he's chappelle doing small gigs to get ready for when he goes on the road.
The thought of a drunk Patrick showing up to a night called comedy virgins and acting like a bigshot is hilarious.

 

[IGotATreeOnMyHouse85]

He neglects to really acknowledge that open mics are actually for any faggot who signs up. He's talking like he's chappelle doing small gigs to get ready for when he goes on the road.
The thought of a drunk Patrick showing up to a night called comedy virgins and acting like a bigshot is hilarious.

You know he said stuff “now watch how a pro does it” to all the other open mic comedians. This was his honeymoon but has to do things that help his ego. Same with visiting a concentration camp so he can win twitter fights on whats supposed to be a romantic vacation. They really are roommates that happen to be married.

 

[TorquieTwoBeers]

View attachment 195093

It's a horrible joke in any form but why would you say "Jimmy Doyle from The French Connection" instead of just "Popeye Doyle"? Proof that he wrote that joke working backwards from "Hackman" and googled "Gene Hackman characters" and picked one. No one with even a passing familiarity with the movie would call him "Jimmy Doyle from the French Connection". Fat cocksucker.

 

[AliceWorquer]

Giant Prehistoric Terrible Birds would just roll off the tongue of someone who has trouble saying his own name in court.

There's a proper order that english adjectives are supposed to go in. Most native speakers instinctively understand it and people with low verbal-linguistic intelligence often fuck it up.
Its almost always: Quantity, opinion, size, age, shape, color, origin, material, purpose.

"Patrick drives a beautiful little 20 year old green American rust-covered mustang. He married his wonderful young boxy white lesbian wife."

"Joe sold his many excellent vintage Chinese plywood guitars. He needed the money because he was cut off by his ungrateful decrepit little pedophile brother."

There are exceptions (but usually only when this rule can be superceded by another grammatical or stylistic rule - a classic example is "big, bad wolf" which gets a pass because "bi..." and "ba..." conform to ablaut reduplication rules that are more rooted in how we construct vowel sounds as opposed to adjective order rules which probably evolved as a way of maximizing informational transfer while reducing cognitive cost)

There are few theories why this is. Its probably something to do with information locality relative to the noun the other words are describing or modifying. There have been a few studies in the last 10 years that used crazy maths I don't really understand to indicate how that specific order most efficiently reduces the entropy of possible nouns that could follow. There are lots of fat writers. Some of those fat writers are also stupid. Some are middle-aged, round, red and some are even from milwaukee, but only one is made from human shit and on a tireless mission to defeat the trolls.

Basically, the closer to the noun the information is, the less nouns there are that it could possibly describe, so deviating from that order creates cognitive processing costs that you could have avoided by not doing that. Not following this rule is a surefire way to unnecessarily obfuscate your own meaning. It's objectively, scientifically shit writing.

So if Patrick was slightly less of a retard, he would have written "Terrible Giant Prehistoric birds", and if he was even less retarded still he could have written, "Terrible Prehistoric Birds", or even "Prehistoric giant birds", or "terrible giant birds" because this rule is most consistently applied to sentences with an even number of adjectives, and is most frequently broken when dealing with groups of three.
He would probably argue that Tolkein criticised adjective order, but Tolkein was an Oxford educated philologist and Patrick is just a fat old useless retard.

 

[PorqueDealer]

There's a proper order that english adjectives are supposed to go in. Most native speakers instinctively understand it and people with low verbal-linguistic intelligence often fuck it up. There are exceptions (but usually only when this rule can be superceded by another grammatical or stylistic rule - a classic example is "big, bad wolf" which gets a pass because "bi..." and "ba..." conform to ablaut reduplication rules that are more rooted in how we construct vowel sounds as opposed to adjective order rules which probably evolved as a way of maximizing informational transfer while reducing cognitive cost)

Its almost always: Quantity, opinion, size, age, shape, color, origin, material, purpose. There are few theories why this is. Its probably something to do information locality relative to the noun they are describing. There have been a few studies in the last 10 years that used crazy maths I don't really understand to indicate how that specific order most efficiently reduces the entropy of possible nouns that could follow. There are lots of fat writers. Some of those fat writers are also stupid. Some are middle-aged, round, red and some are even from milwaukee, but only one is made from human shit and on a tireless mission to defeat the trolls.

Basically, the closer to the noun the information is, the less nouns there are that it could possibly describe, so deviating from that order creates cognitive processing costs that you could have avoided by not doing that. Not following this rule is a surefire way to unnecessarily obfuscate your own meaning. It's objectively, scientifically shit writing.

So if Patrick was slightly less of a retard, he would have written "Terrible Giant Prehistoric birds", and if he was even less retarded still he could have written, "Terrible Prehistoric Birds", or even "Prehistoric giant birds", or "terrible giant birds" because this rule is most consistently applied to sentences with an even number of adjectives, and is most frequently broken when dealing with groups of three.
He would probably argue that Tolkein criticised adjective order, but Tolkein was an Oxford educated philologist and Patrick is just a fat old useless retard.

Bzzt Wrong, stlaker
Published author here: adding words willy nilly helps with wordcount.
Do not criticize my grammar or I, again.

 

[JoeBrotheChildSpitGuzzler]

View attachment 195093

I made a banger of a "picking your feet in Poughkeepsie joke" just last week in some comments section

 

[NikisGreasyBeerFarts]

Failed father/comedian/author/husband. Is there anything this guy can't fail at?

 

[ISO__JOE]

And he’s still seething and fat 8 years later. In reality he should be thanking Drumpfberg for making him relevant on twitter for 5 mins. If Hillary had won Rick Piglinson would be lucky to have 1k followers.

 

[Uncle J’s Sink Emporium]

There's a proper order that english adjectives are supposed to go in. Most native speakers instinctively understand it and people with low verbal-linguistic intelligence often fuck it up. There are exceptions (but usually only when this rule can be superceded by another grammatical or stylistic rule - a classic example is "big, bad wolf" which gets a pass because "bi..." and "ba..." conform to ablaut reduplication rules that are more rooted in how we construct vowel sounds as opposed to adjective order rules which probably evolved as a way of maximizing informational transfer while reducing cognitive cost)

Its almost always: Quantity, opinion, size, age, shape, color, origin, material, purpose. There are few theories why this is. Its probably something to do information locality relative to the noun they are describing. There have been a few studies in the last 10 years that used crazy maths I don't really understand to indicate how that specific order most efficiently reduces the entropy of possible nouns that could follow. There are lots of fat writers. Some of those fat writers are also stupid. Some are middle-aged, round, red and some are even from milwaukee, but only one is made from human shit and on a tireless mission to defeat the trolls.

Basically, the closer to the noun the information is, the less nouns there are that it could possibly describe, so deviating from that order creates cognitive processing costs that you could have avoided by not doing that. Not following this rule is a surefire way to unnecessarily obfuscate your own meaning. It's objectively, scientifically shit writing.

So if Patrick was slightly less of a retard, he would have written "Terrible Giant Prehistoric birds", and if he was even less retarded still he could have written, "Terrible Prehistoric Birds", or even "Prehistoric giant birds", or "terrible giant birds" because this rule is most consistently applied to sentences with an even number of adjectives, and is most frequently broken when dealing with groups of three.
He would probably argue that Tolkein criticised adjective order, but Tolkein was an Oxford educated philologist and Patrick is just a fat old useless retard.

Thanks for keeping it brief, poindexter

 

[Farmer Brown]

There's a proper order that english adjectives are supposed to go in. Most native speakers instinctively understand it and people with low verbal-linguistic intelligence often fuck it up. There are exceptions (but usually only when this rule can be superceded by another grammatical or stylistic rule - a classic example is "big, bad wolf" which gets a pass because "bi..." and "ba..." conform to ablaut reduplication rules that are more rooted in how we construct vowel sounds as opposed to adjective order rules which probably evolved as a way of maximizing informational transfer while reducing cognitive cost)

Its almost always: Quantity, opinion, size, age, shape, color, origin, material, purpose. There are few theories why this is. Its probably something to do information locality relative to the noun they are describing. There have been a few studies in the last 10 years that used crazy maths I don't really understand to indicate how that specific order most efficiently reduces the entropy of possible nouns that could follow. There are lots of fat writers. Some of those fat writers are also stupid. Some are middle-aged, round, red and some are even from milwaukee, but only one is made from human shit and on a tireless mission to defeat the trolls.

Basically, the closer to the noun the information is, the less nouns there are that it could possibly describe, so deviating from that order creates cognitive processing costs that you could have avoided by not doing that. Not following this rule is a surefire way to unnecessarily obfuscate your own meaning. It's objectively, scientifically shit writing.

So if Patrick was slightly less of a retard, he would have written "Terrible Giant Prehistoric birds", and if he was even less retarded still he could have written, "Terrible Prehistoric Birds", or even "Prehistoric giant birds", or "terrible giant birds" because this rule is most consistently applied to sentences with an even number of adjectives, and is most frequently broken when dealing with groups of three.
He would probably argue that Tolkein criticised adjective order, but Tolkein was an Oxford educated philologist and Patrick is just a fat old useless retard.

Good read